When it hurts to think

When I signed the form for having a baby nobody told me it would be this mentally straining. University was taxing on my brain. But Motherhood has taken stress to a whole new level. I’ve even started talking to myself.

You appear at the labour ward, large and waddling. You leave with a bundle of joy. That bundle gradually growing into a little human being. Each step has its challenges. Each step has its rewards. But gradually the challenges are becoming harder and the rewards more difficult to see. We are truly in the pre teens!

That look. An answer to everything. Always being right. Never listening and rarely doing as told first time round. None of my tactics seem to have an ongoing effect. Suddenly he knows it all, figuring out my scheme to instil the desired behaviour. Don’t you just hate it when they talk back. The war over the last word. When I was his age I thought I was always right. My mother told me one day I would see what she means. Ok Mum, now I see it! People tell me they come out the other side as well behaved young adults. Roll on that day!

I know it could be worse. He could be rebelling to extreme measures. I know I should be grateful for small mercies. But, in the thick of it, its hard to remember that. When you are taking your twentieth deep breath of the day, explaining why he cant leave his homework until tomorrow. Or reminding him that actually, his little brother is much younger. He really doesn’t understand why its unreasonable for him to want to live in the elaborate Minecraft house you built. That shouting my name over and over will not make his little brother go back where he came from.

My nail polish is chipped. My eye make-up is smudged. My clothes are creased and my hair ruffled. I look like a stressed Mother. It becomes all the more apparent when someone smiles at you in the supermarket, commenting how they remember that stage well. Do I look that bad?

If they let me see into the future at the maternity ward I may have tried to run. When I see the lady with the bump, I smile and say congratulations. When actually I’m thinking enjoy the sleep while you can. Enjoy being able to go to the toilet alone and actually drink a whole cup of tea. Life is about to change!

I will go to bed tonight trying to remember to be thankful. I probably wont get much sleep. But you never know tomorrow might be a better day. Then again, it might not. Lets cross our fingers and ask the man in charge for a little bit help.

Sarah x


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